when the gal gets gold

All that glitters is gold.. YES!!.. you read it right… including dosa in india. Indians are celebrated worldwide for their fetish for the flashy metal. Long gone are the days when we were like “AAAAHHH….WOOW” when gold plated jugs, mugs, plates and water closets found their way into palatial  bungalows and imperial palaces of the affluent. Today, every Indian, irrespective of his income tax statement (whether he has it or not) boasts of his chunk of glistening gold. 

Till now, the metal is adorned on the body but now, it is into the belly. That’s possible with a dosa gilded with a gold foil of 0.1mg gold content. I hail from a family where gravy is drunk like water. Being the foodie I am, wanted to coat my tongue with this gold plated dosa, the brainchild of Rajbhog restaurant in Malleswaram, Bangalore. 

The restaurant is not so flamboyant that you actually doubt whether this is the abode of gold dosas. It is snugly placed at an unassuming locale on the bustling Margosa Road of Bangalore. The ground floor at the restaurant is “quick-eat-go styled” where one signs off after savouring a dosa and sipping coffee. The first floor is fashioned with gold and brown hued furniture, a few portraits and bathed in gold hued illumination where there is waiter service and you are in for a PARTY. If you are picturizing a 3 star hotel ambience, well don’t go for it. It is the place you should visit just if you are on a mission to see the gold dosa at least once in your life. Well the owner of the restaurant boasts of several other varieties of dosas – silver plated dosa, chocolate dosa, paneer dosa, etc. As many as 101 variety dosas are born and served here. No vegetable or spice is ineligible for becoming a dosa I guess. 

Where am I? Yes, my tongue and gold coat. I took my brother and dad along on a surprise visit. We stepped in having a myriad doubts about the restaurant and its minimal grandeur. I suspiciously uttered “GOLD DOSA”.  A waiter ushered us towards the staircase and eventually a hall, i.e., the first floor. We ordered for one gold dosa. Well I don’t like to part with gandhiji’s impressions… I mean money here… so… 1 dosa will suffice for three starving stomachs. 

The gold dosa took more than a woman getting ready for a party to arrive. We were almost emptying the somph on the table. The dosa was brought in a silver plate accompanied with coconut water in silver tumbler.  She is embellished neck to toe. A petite burning candle was placed inside a green capsicum carved in the form of a lamp hood. The gold dosa, next to the candle was going green in the flame. The dosa rested on a banana leaf which was cut to fit the dosa cozily. Shredded cabbage, carrot and beetroot bordered the dosa. A  patch of gold cushioned triumphantly on the dosa stealing the show. We were to attack her pride with coconut and tamarind chutney and sambhar. 

regal rejoice - gold dosa

my dad, surendra nath inaugurating the gold dosa

 

It is time we  set our mouths to motion. Crisp and subtle it was and oily too. I later discovered that it is a dash of olive oil lest I should curse my calories. As we explored, we found a mound of potato curry in the stomach of the dosa. There was utter silence and each of us tried to stash each speck of gold found on the plate. It didn’t fill our  three stomachs but definitely our desire. This is the best gift i could give my mouth till now. An experience worth cherishing and blogging. In the end, we did justice to the salads also.

When you party, you pay also. The bill displayed 1070(Indian rupees incl. taxes). What if non-Indians read my blog, that Is why I mentioned Indian rupees  :-) . Just when were about to depart, the restaurant owner, Chandan met us personally, expressed gratitude to savour the gold dosa and elaborated how he bumped on the idea of gold dosa. A personal and thankful touch by the owner concluded the glittering gold dosa experience. A shimmering evening to remember.

Caution: A dazzling dosa a day keeps all currency away. (Unless you have  a currency printing machine at home)

Bored? Naaaah!! Busy? Yessssssssss!!

1.       Endless ennui?

       If you thought boredom implies plenty of time but scarcity of work, you are not all correct. Based on my experience, boredom also means that you have been doing the mundane work for quite some time now. It is high time you awoke the creative department of your brain. Why don’t you take some cues from my observations on how to tame the boring boredom?

             a.       Order of the Deal:

Google all the deals available on beauty, health care, spa or dining, etc. in and around your locality. Be it a 1-month salsa classes for a meager 99rs. in the lane next by, or beauty overhaul services at an unexpected low of 300rs. Once in a while, treat your mind and soul to the pleasant luxuries as these don’t ruin your purse but definitely ride you on a high. Recently i pampered my taste buds to cold coffee with vanilla icecream at a coffeeday outlet. the deal was pay rs. 20 and get buy one get one. the cost of i drink was rs. 104. and i got 2 such drinks for rs.138(i.e., 20+104+taxes). many such lipsmacking deals are available in snapdeal, timesdeal, etc.

b.       Sweet shockers:

Start with a plan of hitting the street-end eatery with a group of friends. Don’t disclose that you have planned a series of surprises for them. Charm them into window-shopping in a street with highest glamour quotient in the town. If your gang is teaming up with dudes, the eye-candies, (I mean the dudettes) are a sure treat as you shop by. Conclude the itinerary with a hang-out at a coffee day outlet far off from the hoots and the honks of the city traffic. Sure shot sweetness assured.

c.        Toast to Toastmasters:

For many of them who do not know what toastmasters is, let me do the privilege of enlightening you. Toastmasters International is a renowned non-profit organisation which can add the adjective “extraordinary” to your speaking skills and “captivating” to your communication abilities. The icing on the cake is that some of the clubs in town permit guests to visit their clubs atmost thrice before you can enroll for the course. Believe me that is a penniless entry to the world of eloquent speeches, hilarity and free snacks (I got pizzas on two of my free visits to the club). You know I am always lucky J

d.       Friendly Feelers: 

What is more soothing to heart than to hear your close pals and dear relatives speak to you? Fetch your telephone directory (oops!! Should I say contacts in your mobile? Mobiles have put the good old telephone directories to rest) and start calling them one by one. Let them know you care. Microblogging sites may very well bridge the gaps of communication but nothing wins over the mellifluous vocal “HELLO”.

e.       Culinary comebacks:

Sometimes you have to take the culinary route to bellow that you are getting bored. Pick that ingredient on whatever your hand lands on. Be it spices, oils, dals or pulses. Toss in to the pan whatever comes to your mind. Cook that ultra fancy designer mischievous dish and serve with master chef aplomb. Within the first gulp, they will be aware of your culinary notoriety. Let them realize that an empty mind is a devil’s workshop. If they don’t realize even then, just say, “ I am bored. Shall I cook the tadka matka jhatka dish I made last month? ” They ll drop all work including pants to engage you lest you should be ready with another ghost recipe.

a bark, a flutter, a swish and a chirp

“Oh my god!!! Thanks a lot................
You came running to give me this? I love you- truly madly and deeply. <3 <3 <3

 Let’s celebrate tonight. Be ready.” I gushed passing my fingers through his thick black hair, nibbled his ear and kissed on his forehead...

In return, I got a lick on my cheek... :-)
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I being the best absent minded professor the world has ever produced, forgot to carry hall ticket for my 10^th class board exams. It was not until when the invigilator demanded I realized that I have rested the hall ticket on a bed of kumkum, adorning it with flowers in the puja mandir at home.
That being the Physics exam, I was reminded of Newton’s third law: For every action- (of forgetting the hall ticket), there is an equal and opposite reaction- running home to get it.

Puffing......... and panting..........., I bumped into the school gate when our Dhara Singh like watchman waved red signal with his lathi.

“Bow bow.. “BARKed Happy at Dhara Singh shoving his mouth into the circular iron grills of the school gate from the other side. Down fell my hall ticket drenched in Happy’s saliva at one corner.

Canine Companion:

Happy, my Labrador pup was just 1 yr old when he came leaping to give my hall ticket to my school which was nearly one and a half km away. I dotingly brushed his thick black hair and he barked “I love you too” to me. Remember the lick on my cheek?


Happy followed me wherever I went much before the pugs followed their little mistresses in Hutch advertisement.

Isnt spending with your pets one of the best ways to get rid of loneliness, stress and depression. Apart from bringing hall tickets to exam centres like my Happy did, dogs babysit children to some extent at home, provide exercise to you when you walk them and lend an ear when you want to pour out your joys and sorrows.

I can sense some souls reading this, questioning me silently “Do you think we never thought of having pets? We are not able to take care because of our highly demanding jobs and stressful lifestyles- where there is time for everything but no pet time.”


Now, I am staying in my company township accommodation where pets   are a strict no-no. But still I pet. Come on, spare me that look. I am no law-breaker.

Every morning, Masakali wakes me up at 6.30 for breakfast. Masakali, the grey and white streaked pigeon coos until I break my sleep and spread a 1 cm thick bed of wheat grains in the window slab. She FLUTTERS in rejoice before it sets off for its daily adventure. My heart too dances in merriment.

Fluttery Friend:

Masakali is not my roommate. We are 6.30 am friends-Friends with benefits. She alarms me to wake up and I offer her breakfast. The encounter is short lived but the happiness for both is long lived.  Does this care require commitment? The answer is No.. Masakali eats her grains but not my time.. she could find her fodder somewhere else even If I dozed off for a day. This kind of care minus the commitment is definitely possible for all of us if only we look around.

Swish Fish:

The blonde gold fish in a transparent glass pot would definitely add glamour to your living room. Watching it release tiny air bubbles as it SWISHes through the water surely puts a full stop to all your day long stress. You  can always leave the enjoyment to your neighbor when you are on travel.

A much easier task is to befriend our shy friend, the chirpy squirrel. You need not watch the squirrel for much long like our golden fish to start an amiable relationship with it. In fact the squirrel wont give you much time too. The best time to attract it is when you have stepped out of your house to go to your office or to that street end grocery store.

Chirpy Comrade:

Pamper the squirrel by dropping crumbs of bread near the feet of a tree. It sure will grab its mighty gift as soon as you turn your back but it will CHIRP back in gratitude. Isn’t that a proud feeling?

The answer will be a "YES". Think it over. Pets provide a doubl delight- companionship and unconditional love, both of which are key to happiness. If your lifestyle desists you from petting one, why don’t you choose one among the pigeon, the gold fish or the squirrel- the low maintenance pets? They give you company even if you are an OSAMA and love you without any expectation in return even if you are an OBAMA.

Let us find time to shower an iota of kindness on Mother Nature’s voiceless children whenever and wherever possible. It doesn’t strip us off our time or money like Facebook and other social networking sites outrageously do. 

Be it a single wheat grain to the pigeon or the petite bread crumb to the squirrel, do it regularly.   I am doing it. Will you?

 

power perspectives

Bangalore city electricity Supply Company is always generous with us. We are never at the receiving end of pitiless power cuts in summers, atleast in the locality where I dwell. Well in winters how many of us want the ACs and the funs running at lightning fast speed in Bangalore? 

                But everything has an exception right? So has the power cut.  One fine morning, we were deeply engrossed in work- elevating india’s power scenario and contributing to national GDP. Now I cant disclose more about my job profile folks. 

“BEEP”… we received a mail from our HR department that maintenance work has been scheduled in the nearby substation from 11am to 4pm today by the city electricity dept. “Kindly bear with the intermittent power supply” was the intent of our proactive HR mail.

“ Clichak” the tubelights got blinded. Our hall which is as big as an aerodrome instantly plunged into darkness and hotness. Hotness?? -- Due to the non-contribution of the ceiling fans. Only the computers survived banking on the UPS. The light emanating from the PCs washed our faces in glazing blue and white shades. I got up and rotated my head in all angles.

 Some souls saved their work sheets and documents hurriedly before they succumbed to UPS upset. 

“Hey it is not yet eleven” booed some voices. 

“come let’s break for coffee.” Extended  his hand to the coffee mug another coffee starved employee. 

In a far corner where there is dense population of highly learned employees in the fields of economics, commerce, politics apart from engineering, someone echoed “Manmohan singh should step down. India will not see light unless we curb corruption”.

“No…No… anna hazare should not at all have taken Kiran Bedi in his team” pierced another wisehead.

“Madam, tomorrow they are staging bharat bandh. Should we come to office tomorrow?” softly pitched in my trainee.

Unable to answer that question I looked around when I caught sight of one of my colleagues giggling and blushing while a mobile phone was glued to his ear. Now don’t ask me who is on the other side of the conservation. 

“you should have opted for a capsicum red border for this saree rather than the guava green”. Rendered free fashion fundas a lady employee examining another lady’s pallu in the corridor.

“We anyways gobble up the guavas and capsicums. So why not spare them the sarees, Oh ladies?” I opined in my mind.

“hope there wont be any surprises for lunch. I am already hungry.” Expressed my neighbouring pot bellied colleague munching on a banana.

Unperturbed by this, some heads were buried 10 meter deep in books, documents on the table. Nothing can stop them from working. Not even the end of the world. If not controlled, there is a 200% probability that they bag the Nobel prize too. 

Enough observations!! Here comes the end of my thesis. This unexpected abeyance of work in the office throws light on the cravings and inclinations of each individual mind.

What is the first thought that comes to your mind when you are stripped of work? The mind starts with what your heart cherishes the most and languishes on that until the boredom sets in. Isn’t that true? Check it out for yourselves.

This incident brought to light some incredible facets of human behavior- how differently people view their time.

If you ask me what I did, well, who observed all these?

A round and rotund figment of imagination…

Foreword: this piece of script bears no resemblance to any homosapien living, lived and going to live in this world.

Go on…..

Holding the “Stomach Puncture Restaurant – Menu” in my hand and browsing through it,

“ 1 roasted rava onion masala dosa with 3 cups of sambar, 1 sizzling vada pav with extra butter, 6 hyderabadi mirchi bajji, double scoop vanilla ice cream with hot choco sauce and almond topping and 1 freezing pista milk shake.

That is it for me.. Come on..   Tell your orders too.. it’s getting late” I said handing over the menu to my friends Radha and Sandhya..

Jaw dropped, they gave a 90 degree turn to their heads and looked at me in an open-mouthed rapture..

“Don’t be too modest. Why don’t you order some more?” blurted Radha slyly concealing an about to explode a 70mm laughter.

“I prefer light snacks as it ll be dinner time in 2 more hours. You know that our hostel warden unleashes sivathandavam if we skip dinner” I said rubbing my tummy with aplomb.

 “Ok. We ll have 2 plates of Idli with no extra sambar” divulged Sandhya as if recovering from a 5V shock and gazed into still space with expressionless face.

“take a bite at the bajji..spicy and succulent” I said handing a sauce coated bajji with one hand to sandhya and shoving vada pav into my already loaded mouth with another hand.

“N… O….”    they snapped as if they were on an agenda to help our Union Food Minister get India out of food deficit.

“Please keep coming to our restaurant madam… I guess your college-hostel is just 1 km away.” Importuned the overweight owner as he handed somph to my friends and bill to me..

“We are planning to open a second outlet soon.. bring your friends too…” he told with an insatiable glee as he returned a few coins for my 500 rupee note.

The hands in my watch came threateningly close to 8 so we hurried to the hostel lest I should miss dinner. I skyrocketed to dinner hall as soon as I stepped out of the auto.. Having pocketed five 2-cm thick aloo paratas and 5 cups of channa masala curry and 2 glasses of lassi in my stomach, I came back to my room suspecting that the cook filled only half of the fifth bowl with chana masaala curry..

              Licking my fingers and lips and wondering whether Radha and Sandhya had food, I crash landed on the bed…

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              I sprang back to movement only when the sunrays fighting through the glass windows tortured my eyelids. Huffing and panting.. I scurried off to college.. Because punctuality runs in my blood.

I joined the swarm of students already lined up in the class picking up an empty seat beside Radha.. “ I missed my breakfast.. do you have anything to eat” I inquired hoping for atleast a kingsize Cadbury chocolate in return..

 “Good morning ma’m” sang the class in unison as the lecturer walked in..

“Good morning to you all… welcome to this college… you have 4 years in front of you to frame a fantastic future.. work hard… Now, each one of you, introduce yourselves “ said she pointing the finger at me.

I did not realize that I was sitting in the first bench defying all laws of back benchers. Dismissing the Cadbury in my thoughts, I stood up, tuned my voice and said,

“ I am “…

“An elephant” completed a masculine voice from behind..

The class broke into a high decibel laughter which would easily win them a guiness world record.

Deflating the abashment, I said “Sonu” and collapsed into the chair…

15 minutes down the disaster, I sensed that the students were taking notes like parrots as mam scribbled something on the board.. but my mind still oscillated like a pendulum between the cadbury and the elephant.

              “Do I really look like an elephant?” I asked to myself shooting at the mirror at various angles and elevations. Definitely not, but may be an inch close to a new born elephant”. But the mirror too couldn’t hide the truth for any longer as I saw an MRF tyre bulging out from my stomach. To be crisp, I could put a fully grown sumo wrestler to shame..

              Sensing an impending peril to my reputation, I dialed up my uncle for some damage control.

“I am happy this day dawned. I shall harness the power of yogic energy to turn the floating fat to fighting fit. Yoga is divine.. yoga is eternal.. I shall cleanse your soul and body… the yogicized reverberations shall…“ my uncle, a yoga trainer chanted…

“when shall I come to practice? “ I interrupted saving myself from the free yoga lecture. 

“5 am”

“Done” I hung the phone. “Exhilarated, I stormed into a NIKE outlet and bought myself a shocking pink T-shirt and fluorescent green leggings. “ I already started phrasing taglines – “sonu stuns shakira..” ( of course, I mean the physique… what else did you think? ) as if I am put into a yoga machine and my uncle pressed the start button and I turned into shakira when he hit the stop button.

              I obeyed the rings of the alarm and woke up at 4.45am the next day. The delight of donning new clothes is alone responsible for me waking up at a blasphemous hour for a lazy lamb like me. In fifteen minutes I was standing among an army of yoga students swinging my head from left to right. 

“That is warm up exercise. Now lets start the main asanas. Palms and feet down, rest of the body in the air like an inverted V. Bring your body down putting all the weight on your shoulders. Now you are in parvatasana” glided my uncle.

“climbing a parvat is much easy “ I murmured rubbing of the sweat off my forehead which earned a dirty look from a neighbouring aunty who seemed like she is born into this world only for yoga..

“now we shall have a sitting exercise- padmasana”my uncle announced…

“finally some rest for my pained posterior whatever be the aasana” I comforted myself.

“Sit down. Fold your legs. Place the right feet on your left thigh and the left feet on the right thigh. Position your hands on your knees.. close your eyes and meditate” slipped into padmasana my uncle and his army.

“I could identify only the body parts-legs, feet, thigh, hands, knees, eyes and an exception- meditation from his speech” I dint know what to do with all of them…

My uncle’s assistant was doing the rounds and found me fiddling with my toe.. he came running to me when I was about to kick the aunty before me in a stunt to get the aasana right..

He helped me get into padmasana after a team effort of 10 minutes… I threw a successful smile at my uncle as if I can be his guru, given a chance.

“unfit” read the expression on his face..

I turned my head back to find if he meant that expression for the uncle behind me as if I am in the perfect posture.

After many such somersaults, nerve breaking asanas and patience of the aunties and uncles who received my free kicks, my uncle announced “Savasana”.

“you shall all act like carcasses without any movement, close your eyes and relax… relax… relax…”he said soothingly.

“what is the need to act like a carcass when I have already become one” I thought nevertheless slapped the yoga mat with my back.

……

Suddenly I sensed some jerky movements. I tried to open my eyes and found locked up in the rear seat of an automobile.

“Who is that? What is happening?” I shouted.

“Carcass in the car” replied the voice, a familiar voice… a fatherly voice…. FATHER… yes its my dad..

“I never thought you also wanted to learn yoga. When did you join the class?” I inquired pressing my aching legs.

“for every new yoga learner, there should be a follower to collect him/her just in case he/she doesn’t spring back to life after the yoga session. So I have become the driver to bring you back home after your 1^st class. Take a packet of sweets for naren uncle and swati aunty who helped me in couriering you in the car.” My father explained looking at me in the rear view mirror.

“Yes… you were telling something? sorry I slipped into sleep…” I questioned thrashing the mosquito which disturbed my savasana on the run…

I want tomorrow.... NOT...

Now that i have finally stuffed my blog's tummy with one post 6 days ago, it is crying for food a.k.a. posts :-(

not that i have nothing to write but i have truckloads of everything. my eyes fancy everything i spot, my mind shortlists all that i window think (just like window shopping) and my soul savours everything that it senses except the thought of "Monday" in any form(even if my marriage is on Monday). 

It scores more than Chris Gayle’s runs on my personal HATE-O-METER, outshines Karan Johar & Ram Gopal Verma animosity on a national note and deglamorizes USA-Iran hostility on an international platform. 

For all those who cant escape the Monday menace, feel prized because the submission starts only at 10.00am while I am trapped in office from 8 am itself. Yes, my office rises with the sun and sets at 5.06pm before the sun retires for the day.

Then you may think that I am a drama queen sulking about a strict 8am when I am let loose at 5pm where there is so much to accomplish from then onwards. Just hold your expletives for the next 2 sentences.   We are a batch of engineers suffering from internet-malnourishment at office. Our IT dept. is kind enough to give us access to some life-line like websites – ksrtc.co.in, make my trip, canara bank just in case we want to book tickets and get the hell out of the office… Then at 4.36 pm, a self timed  like switch in the IT dept has some mercy on us and opens the world of google, Facebook and finally internet to us. So we have a dosage of exactly 30 min of net at office everyday… isn’t it too much? Sometimes I feel overjoyed. The insanity of surfing doesn’t end at 5.06 punctually. So, we are sedated to stay in the office till 6 or 6.30

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Net at home always beckons... so do the 1cm thick sambar, rasam, curry, rice coated utensils of the previous night. My stomach also sends hunger signals at the rate of 200 cycles/sec. I am entangled in the web of net, utensils and hunger. Just then I have an invitation from an angelic corner of my house--

the bedroom…

 
When I unlock my eyelids to the 7.35 am rays of the sun the next day, office still haunts...........................

but yipppeeee I have murdered the “MONDAY”. Yeyyyy!!!